I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking and praying about the kiddos who will be in my home.

I’ve also been dreaming a lot. I always dream a lot, but I’ve been dreaming about my future kiddos. Dreaming about all of the possibilities, the unknowns, the uncertainty.

I’m not sure if I believe that dreams mean something, or if I think that dreams are just what happens when your brain is rearranging the thoughts and experiences from your day; making memories and clearing up space. Either way, I wake up each morning with images of goodnight kisses, belly laughs and barefoot toddlers.

I look forward to those moments of joy. And and at the same time, I know that fostering isn’t always going to be filled with happiness.

There is going to be frustration and struggle and grief. Heartbreak beyond my wildest imagination. I know in my heart that I am going to love these kiddos as if they were my own and it’s going to HURT when they leave, hurt deep.

But I am willing to take it on. I’m willing to carry those burdens so that for however long these kiddos are in my home, they don’t have to. So that they can feel safe and loved.

It’s going to be so hard. I know I can’t do it on my own, but God will be there with me. God will see me through.


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11



LOL Worthy Reads

It’s no secret I love to laugh. I love comedy in any form. I love funny people. I love funny movies, tv shows and books. I particularly love stand up comedy and it has long been a secret wish of mine to become a stand-up comedian. (Of course, I will never be one, it isn’t a serious dream. But I do sometimes think to myself about a situation or thought, “That was funny, I’d put that in my act.”)

I read a lot. And I love books that can actually make me laugh out loud. Few do. One genre I’ve been enjoying a lot lately, is memoirs written by comedians (not all of the stand-up variety). Here are a few that I have enjoyed and have legitimately caused me to LOL.

Bossypants by Tina Fey
9418327I’ve listened to the audiobook of Bossypants several times. It’s read by Tina Fey and if you’re a Tina fan, it is everything you’d expect – hilarious, intelligent, insightful and quirky. I loved learning about her life and career and she tells the stories of her life in such a way where they are both thoughtful and funny. A highlight for me were her chapters on being very very skinny and being a little bit fat—  about women and weight. I also enjoyed her thoughts on Photoshop and her thoughts about her daughter.  5 stars.
Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan
16141924If you are at all familiar with Jim Gaffigan’s stand-up comedy and enjoy it, then you’ll enjoy this book. It reads much like one of his shows. It’s full of hilarious stories, mainly about his family (five kids and 2 adults in a 2 bedroom walk up!?), although you don’t have to have kids to enjoy it. It’s a quick read and I recommend it to anyone who wants a good chuckle. 4 stars.

Sleepwalk With Me and Other Painfully True Stories by Mike Birbiglia
7775841I read this book in the break room at lunch and frequently caught coworkers looking at me as I’d let out a laugh. This is well written, honest, and of course, funny. There are also several poignant and tender moments that really balance this book out. Mike’s voice and subtle delivery really shine through and I truly enjoyed this read. 4 stars.

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling
10335308I’m a huge fan of the TV show, The Office. My all time favorite episode of The Office, one in season two called, “The Injury,” was written by Mindy Kaling, so I knew I’d love this book before I read it. And I did. I highly recommend that if you’re a fan, you listen to the audiobook, I loved hearing Mindy read her stories. It gave life to the book, and I don’t know if my review would be the same if I’d just read it myself. I have listened to it several times, and laughed out loud every time. I love hearing stories about people’s dreams coming true and if they can make me laugh while telling them, even better. Not all of the essays are brilliant, but overall, a lovely (funny!) read. 4 stars.
Have any LOL worthy recommendations for me? What books make you chuckle? I’d like to know.

Crying- Why I’m no longer a cold stone floor.

I was always quick to cry as a child if I got hurt.  I remember one particularly unflattering picture of me as a child, I was probably 7 or 8 and I had apparently hurt my ankle.  I’m sitting in a chair, blotchy, red-faced, bawling.  I think my mom took the picture because I was being overly dramatic.  I probably wasn’t hurt all that bad.

But I guess as is normal, as I grew up, I definitely cried less.

I was never one to cry happy tears.  Never one to be moved to tears by a sappy movie or commercial.  I always made fun of my mom for how quick she was to tear up over things I thought didn’t warrant the faintest sniff.  I was lovingly and jokingly referred to as being cold – a heart like a “cold stone floor,” was the joke.  It sounds more harsh than it was – it was never meant seriously; for the most part, I cared about people and I felt compassion for people, I just wasn’t a crier.

I say wasn’t, because I am now.  I cry almost daily and it’s ridiculous.  I cry at sad stories.  I cry watching Dr. Phil or Ellen.  I cry during Google commercials, I’m serious.  Google commercials!  I cry reading books.  I cry reading/watching/hearing stories about people who are living their dreams.  I cry during movies.  I cry describing my favorite book to my mom.  I cry talking about sad things.  I cry talking about happy things.  I cry so much I’m wondering what the heck is wrong with my tear ducts.  I’m not talking all out sob fests, but watery eyes at the very least and several tears at most – on average.  The other day I sobbed so hard I thought I would stop breathing.  Today, I had tears in my eyes almost the entire time I read the book Kisses from Katie.

I’m not sure what point I’m trying to make here.  I’m not sure I’ve figured it out yet.  I still feel like the same person who thought crying all the time was silly.  But, now I’m trying to hide my tears from my mom while we watch some dumb show on TV, thinking about all the times I laughed at her for doing the same.

Is my heart just more sensitive now to the pain and joy of others?  Have I  become more empathetic and compassionate with age?

I googled “What does the Bible say about tears?” and I found this interesting article called “A Tearless Society.”  I suggest giving it a read, I found it enlightening.

What about you, what makes you cry?